| Comment | I think you have a weird sense of what "sassy" means. And wtf is "playful hostility"? Neither of these characters are believable as actual adult women. Deciding that a presumably artsy looking album cover that doesn't show the artist's face means that the artist is ugly? That's not "sassy", nor is it playful, that's just plain nasty. Immediately jumping to presuming that the artist in question has gotten up herself? It lacks any kind of nuance. It's lazy, kinda shite writing. If you intend for this character to be present in the story any further, especially if you ever want people to like her, you've created a fucking horrendous first impression.
If you want to get across that this person is resentful of people who've gotten out of Glasgow, then you don't need to make her be horrible. Drop the "she must be ugly" shite. It's juvenile and makes it sound like you're about 14 years old with no idea how adult women act. The last bit - "has it gone to her head?" - chuck that. Make her scoff and comment about how she doubts the artist has stuck around this shitehole. You can easily get across "this person wishes she could get out of Glasgow and is mildly resentful of those who have" without making her a crab in a bucket. |
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