r/Glasgow Tools

TitleOscar Bar & Kitchen Shawlands
AuthorHaveAFuckingBeer
Body
The waiting staff were engrossed in conversation with the entire cast of “ Hollyoaks “ that were sitting meters away from our table .
For the duration of our stay , a cackle would erupt like a broken burglar alarm every 3 minutes or so.
I was so traumatised; I began to revisit an ancient age. I was in a monastery , with only a small cloth adorned around my genitals.
I believe the year was 1893, a gaggle of nuns stood at the foot of my cross laughing , as I waited patiently for a drink of water.
I suddenly snapped back into the present moment , and wiped the cold sweat from my brow , my friend asked “ are you OK ? “.

I was having a panic attack ; 16 minutes had passed since we made our order and I could feel my mouth getting numb.
A staff member from behind the bar had their eyes fixated on the ceiling , it took a grand total of 18 minutes to grab their attention.
The bartender gazed in complete awe and bewilderment at a Himalayan mood lamp , picture the scene from the Hollywood blockbuster “IT 2 “ when Richie is seduced by Pennywise the clown's enchanting “ dead lights “.

When our drinks arrived , the waitress slammed our round of tap waters on the table and whisked herself away before I could ask the burning question on everyone’s lips “ who is Oscar ? “ .
The waitress returned to a sedentary position behind the bar , entertaining herself and the 8 TikTok followers on her phone.
I looked at my friend and could see that he was struggling. I was concerned that he too was affected by the terror unfolding before our eyes.

Several moments later….
Our cocktails arrived , garnished with a generous dollop of sugar syrup in what appeared to be an impractical, non-ergonomic tumbler .
I believe the glass blower's vision was impaired , maybe the only time they were happy for their sight to remain completely diminished.
It's not up for debate whether they would approve of the scenes transpiring.
Rest assured, it could get better ?
Deep in conversation about the fuel crisis ,
My friend took a sip of his glucose cocktail , his face was in a state of immediate alarm as his bottom lip stuck to his unusually shaped cocktail glass.
It took several attempts to free his mouth from the clutches of this evil tumbler , tearing a layer of epidermis from his sorry lips.
I frantically searched my jacket for my pocket-sized tin of Vaseline.
Sadly, I remembered that I left it sitting by my bedside cabinet.
This wasn’t going as I had imagined , as my friend whimpered from his chair , holding a crumpled napkin to his mouth.
I had to do something to help my injured comrade.
I resorted to yelling “ does anyone have any lip balm “ to be met with a series of fierce looks and sudden chuntering amongst the guests sitting on the opposite side of the room.

Insulted, injured and flabbergasted , I managed to obtain some tissues from the well-stocked bathroom. I contemplated finishing my beer in there as it was absolutely spotless.
On my return to the bar, I seized the opportunity to ask a member of staff
“ who is Oscar ? “ .
The waitress looked startled , had I put her on the spot ?
I asked again , pointing to the neon sign on the wall like ET.
The look of confusion on her face suddenly switched to a grimace
“ Oscar Shabadabadoo of course “ she muttered.
I wasn't convinced, she didn't seem so sure either.
Is she making this up , have I been duped?
I looked at her like a cryptic crossword “ sorry , who ? “
“ Oscar Shallababadoo, the designer. The owner is a massive fan “
I thought to myself “ cool story bro “ as I returned to my wounded friend.
I thought there was more to the Oscar story...

An awkward 5 minutes followed as we waited for the bill.
To alleviate our painful experience, we were both in agree
Reddit Linkhttps://www.reddit.com/r/glasgow/comments/q0m4tc/oscar_bar_kitchen_shawlands/
CreatedSun 3rd Oct 2021 5:14pm
Statusnormal (Removed by [])

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