r/Glasgow Tools

You either know exactly what I'm talking about or you don't have a clue. I'm talking about **that guy fae Dennistoun**, who always screams for a few seconds, at about 8PM, almost every day. It sounds like when your uncles are all watching an old firm game and the other team scores, only imagine it was just one massive uncle with 7 balls and 4 mouths, preserved in its living form entirely by the all-consuming rage of the uncle with only one ball. He sounds like the abominable spawn of a football hooligan and Corpsegrinder, like that one ned who charges into battle with a full-on death growl. I think about half of Dennistoun must hear it, if they're in at the time.

It's not the usual suspects either. He's not arguing with anyone, because there's never any response, he'll just belt out one unintelligible scream, sometimes a "part 2", and then complete silence. He's not gaming either, because there would be more than one scream if that were the case, unless this is just the moment where he gets home and tries to log in to the most populated server on his favourite Chinese MMO, but to be honest by the sheer ferocity of his voice he doesn't sound like he's playing MMO's in there.

I know he lives in a flat nearby, you can hear by the way it echoes, this is the unmistakably Glaswegian sound of a ruined baritone voice bouncing about a barely decorated room before flying out of a window and eventually making its way through my thin, porous council walls and into my poor, defenseless ear holes. I'm not even pissed off about it though, I've heard my neighbour do a jobby before (that was awkward especially when we flushed at the same time), I'm just curious about the source. What is his story? Why does he scream? What is he even saying? Is anybody else in there with him? And, in a more general sense, what the fuck?

^((find out next time, on... Para: Normal Encounters))