r/Glasgow Tools

Throughout my childhood and adult life I've lived, studied and worked in a number of different countries, as did my parents before me. My parents were Scottish and Irish. We moved between Scotland and a several different countries in Africa when I was young, then moved to a tiny island in the South Pacific and I went to school in Australia. I returned to Scotland for a while, then moved to the USA for a few years and I'm now in Glasgow, though I've lived and studied in other Scottish (and English) towns and cities. When people catch that slightly unusual tone in my accent and ask me where I'm from, I usually reply that I'm not sure.

The reason I'm saying all this is that I've come to understand how easy it is to feel that you don't fit anywhere. Living elsewhere can change you and your outlook permanently. Friends are never permanent and you hold back something of yourself, knowing that they won't be in your life forever. Work, ditto. Family scatters and you lose the sense of self which comes with living in the same place as them.

I don't make an effort now to socialize the way I used to. Instead, I find what it is that I enjoy and do that- regardless of whether I find others who enjoy that too. Pretending to be someone I'm not in order to belong is EXHAUSTING. Happily for me, the things I enjoy don't require teams of friends. I usually end up with three or four close friends when I've been living somewhere long enough, and then another group of acquaintances as well, who I get on well with.

For me, finding work that I enjoy and that feels worthwhile and meaningful has always been critical: my sense of self has always depended heavily on that. It's not always possible, but I've made that a priority.

You've had a number of disappointments and upheavals since you arrived: these would bring anyone down - especially when compounded with loneliness. It doesn't mean that it will always be like this for you. I've felt really bad and really good everywhere I've lived but you know what they say: wherever you go, there you are. I seem to be pretty resilient and I try to make the best of whatever is happening.

Congratulations on having the courage to move to a new country. That takes guts and optimism- two qualities which make for long term happiness. And welcome to Glasgow - I'm glad you're here, contributing your experiences and effort.

Finally, when I feel defeated, I like to remember the story about the two frogs who fell into a bucket of milk. The bucket is made of steel so they can't crawl out. The milk is too deep for them to reach the bottom and jump out. One frog says "We're doomed. No-one is coming to save us." He gives up trying to escape and drowns. The other frog can't see any way to escape either, but he keeps paddling round and round in circles saying to himself, There MUST be a way out, there MUST be a way out. And after he has been doing this for a while the paddling of his little legs has churned the milk to butter, and out he hops.

Keep paddling.