r/Glasgow Tools

Not to flex, but I think I have a special aura protecting me from neds. Never had an issue with them. Unless random wee guys asking for a lighter counts.

A few days ago, I was walking back from Glasgow green - a little bit steaming. I walked past these dudes blasting absolute tunes and this guy drops something loud as fuck? Glass bottle or something like that, loud enough to crack. Nearly pissed my pants.

Wee guy in a tracksuit stops real quick and just goes "sorry pal" with genuine look of humble regret - follows with the classic "I am embarrassed" awkward smile. Sober enough to be self aware. Clearly drunk out of his mind - Goes back to enjoying the blasting tunes and vibing. I walk away unscathed. I think I just smiled or mumbled at him?

The only people who harass me on the street are creepy men or homeless people screaming at me for 50p. Neds are no bother. Probably because I radiate scheme bird energy, but that's besides the point.

On another occasion, I was walking down Buchanan street with a male friend pretty late at night. As you do, we saw a group of lads and gals were out and about clearly having a good time - again, under the influence as per. Bit rowdy but not violent. As we're walking past - My mate (cunt) goes to playfully shove me, because he's a fucking dick and he forgets I am built like a nine year old child with zero muscle capacity.

One of the lads - red in the face, again, steaming - walks up to us. He's dressed in his finest Polo and Trackies.

Closer he gets, the more clear it becomes. It appears he can tell, then, that we're not actually fighting.

"Herrrreeeee mate, I thought you were actual going for her"

We laugh. My pal (cunt) shakes his head. I'm just happy this guy was looking out for me.

"Save it fir the bedroom hahaha"

Classic ned one liner. Perfect timing.

(We still reference Feminism Ned - saver of women - to this day.)

Point: Some neds are good neds. And all neds are human. You'll find many have good intentions.