r/Glasgow Tools

/srs

I went through - and in many ways, am still going through - a mini crisis from, I wanna say late September (November ?) all the way through to like January. I don’t wanna get into it detail-wise because I don’t think traumadumping online is good for you folk reading this, but holy fuck, there’s layers, baby!

Part of feeling more like me again was reclaiming myself. A ‘me’ apart from who I was - who I was around other people, a particular person, an idea of myself. This is especially important I think for people who deal with image-based mental health issues. Who am I outside of this taximermied, cultivated, good little worker, with a job, and a moderated tone of voice, and all these ideas about my ‘self’? Who am I when I have nothing? What matters, and what is just a part of this weird social veil?

I go for walks. And this is going to sound borderline suicidal (I’m a young woman), but I go for walks at night. Through safe residential areas - but yes, I’m aware that’s risky.

Why at night?

1. It calms me.
2. I’ve accepted I can be assaulted during the day anyway! :) randomly! Anywhere at any time! we learn such fun things! :) so fuck it.
3) I am reclaiming my time, my space, my self. I don’t need somebody up my ass. I don’t need the person, persons, or thing, or idea I was hiding behind.

Me, myself, my music. And the dark of night!

Again, wouldn’t recommend for safety reasons. But I’m past caring.

I love being the only person walking around at night. I genuinely look forward to it. It makes me feel so much better.

Turn your music on, walk around. Spend time with yourself. Nothing else exists but you in that moment. You’re allowed to be sad and emo and cringe - I let myself fester in my rage and bitterness and just walk around residential streets at like 9pm looking fucking furious. Because I am furious. And that is okay.

You and I, we will be okay.