r/Glasgow Tools

I used to work as a police interpreter.

I was sitting in the police station waiting for my client to come, when a ned entered. He went to the desk and announced: "Here I am". Of course, I am not a native speaker, so please try to imagine everything following being spoken with a heavy Glasgow accent and dialect, so I was barely able to understand what it is all about.

The cop behind the desk was unsure what it is about, and the ned had a hard time to explain. It turned out, that he had some petty fine to pay, for drinking on the street or littering or something, and he was not willing to pay it, so drawing from some previous experience - not sure if his own, or one of his friends, he was expecting to be put to jail for a few days for not paying it. The cop told him, that he still has a week or so to pay his fine, so they cannot do anything yet and they will deal with the matter when the time comes to it. But the ned demanded to be put in jail, as he was afraid that if it comes to it later, he might be put away on his granny's birthday.

When cop still refused to arrest him, he demanded compensation. He pulled out the Daily Star or some tabloid like it and told the cop, that he even invested in reading materials so he won't be bored in jail. Obviously, since he won't be jailed, this investment was going to waste, and he demanded to be reimbursed. The cop just had enough so he excused himself and disappeared, so the ned came to sit next to me, seeking understanding about how terrible Strathclyde police is, that they want to harm his granny by putting her favourite boy away for her birthday :)


For my sympathy, I was rewarded with the paper when he left, except for the page that had titty girl on it! :-)