r/Glasgow Tools

The bus back to Cathcart a few weeks back - absolutely packed.

We found some guy's wallet on the way back from the cinema, waited ages for him to return after contacting his work. So we missed our normal bus and had to catch another. Little did we know we were in for a treat.

This bus was heading towards Castlemilk and was absolutely packed. Squeezed upstairs amongst prams, screaming kids and overheating old people.

Right up the back of the top deck. A prime spot for what was about to unfold.
Five 9-year-olds, about six rows in front, begin using language that makes old women shiver. One described in detail what a creampie was when the youngest enquired. Then two of them wiped out e-cigarettes and started their own version of the Chemical Brothers stage show. The top floor is now like an 80s pub, with vapour lingering in the air.
At this point, a woman clutching her bag looked at me as if she was hinting that I should intervene. Alas, I’d seen similar events end up branded as paedophiles on the front page of the Sun.

The boys start wrestling, followed by some commotion down the stairs to indicate the driver. The show must go on with no fucks given.
The woman next to me gave me a nudge-I think being the only guy over 5 feet, she thought I would drop kick one and end the show. My partner at this point is debating if she will have to teach these boys next year.

Dragon Soup was next on the menu, which 3 of them guzzled whilst the eldest began the sightseeing trip. First on the itinerary, pointing out where he attends CAMHS appointments and received a diagnosis of ADHD.
The middle two mock him after he tells them he goes to school, albeit a specialist school, which comes and collects (read: forces) him. Still in amazement at any school attendance, the other two mock him for being well read before returning to the subject of sex. Harmonising on the chorus of 'WAP', which, by the looks of some of the older faces, is fully understood by the audience. Good quality phone speaks meant the crowd could sing along if they chose.

The same women are eyeballing me even more now-expecting me to stand up, grab one and punt him off the bus like Batman. Again, no takers.
Next on our drug menu is Amyl nitrite, or more likely some lesser substitute. Again, the youngest has not participated before and is encouraged by his peers. A good 30 second huff with additional spills on his t shirt. He informs them that his head is sore. The solution that is suggested is to drink it, obviously.

Fortunately, before it can escalate (pretty sure Amyl can kill you if you drink it and I could be forced to intervene), the group spots ASDA. an opportunity to restock their supplies before continuing on their journey. First, a struggle over the seats, like zombies intent on eating someone. One falls down the stairs in the struggle, but robustly, we see them run up the bank towards the green neon sign.

At this point, I was pretty sure someone was going to burst out with a camera and record our reactions. 📸

Don’t get on the wrong bus. I'm still debating whether I should have intervened.