r/Glasgow Tools

Title	i got my package stolen by golem
Author	BenAndBoujee
Body	i accidentally ordered a package to my old address (100% my fault i ordered on my phone on the way home. was too distracted trying not to impale the elderly with my massive chode) so i thought no biggie, ill just go round and explain the situation as royal mail had sent me a PICTURE (AN IMAGE!) of MY package outside THEIR door. I take the elevator up. first thing i see is a pile of absolutely honking bin bags outside their door amassing a brigade of fruit flies. in fact im fairly certain this is the epicentre of glasgows fruit fly problem. I find myself at ground zero. oh no. with my lions heart i carry on and knock on the door. For a second i am distracted from the god awful stench by many happy memories spent at my old flat. I am suddenly pulled back into reality when what can only be described as a witches claw - nay, a talon, slowly wraps around the door. it creaks. a poignant wave of odour hits me and from the darkness emerges the creature. a 5 foot frame holds the remains of what once was human, a long time ago. its neck beard contains crumbs dating back to the ming dynasty. there is enough grease on this one entity to put mcdonalds out of business. its diminishing height is comprised of at least 35% neck as it croons at me. I know it's all over. my battle is lost before it has even begun. I beg. I plead. I explain the situation but it is all futile in the end. denniston dormammu dismisses my every plight. no offers to help the situation, just one word replies; this creatures knows not of mercy. It offers to "let me know if anything turns up" but doesnt ask for any contact details. i stop the door and give him my details. I know it was useless. I am now on his soul harvesting list. I leave disheveled and disheartened, but thankful i still have my life. beast, if you're reading this - if you can read, please return my jeans to me. They werent cheap and i saved up for a long time to get them :( i havent ordered new clothes in quite a while, hence the old address. I have a roommate - i am willing to offer his mortal flesh as a sacrifice.
Reddit Link	https://www.reddit.com/r/glasgow/comments/xk347v/i_got_my_package_stolen_by_golem/
Created	Wed 21st Sep 2022 1:08pm
Status	deleted (Removed by [deleted])

i accidentally ordered a package to my old address (100% my fault i ordered on my phone on the way home. was too distracted trying not to impale the elderly with my massive chode) so i thought no biggie, ill just go round and explain the situation as royal mail had sent me a PICTURE (AN IMAGE!) of MY package outside THEIR door.

I take the elevator up. first thing i see is a pile of absolutely honking bin bags outside their door amassing a brigade of fruit flies. in fact im fairly certain this is the epicentre of glasgows fruit fly problem. I find myself at ground zero. oh no. with my lions heart i carry on and knock on the door. For a second i am distracted from the god awful stench by many happy memories spent at my old flat. I am suddenly pulled back into reality when what can only be described as a witches claw - nay, a talon, slowly wraps around the door. it creaks. a poignant wave of odour hits me and from the darkness emerges the creature. a 5 foot frame holds the remains of what once was human, a long time ago. its neck beard contains crumbs dating back to the ming dynasty. there is enough grease on this one entity to put mcdonalds out of business. its diminishing height is comprised of at least 35% neck as it croons at me. I know it's all over. my battle is lost before it has even begun.

I beg. I plead. I explain the situation but it is all futile in the end. denniston dormammu dismisses my every plight. no offers to help the situation, just one word replies; this creatures knows not of mercy. It offers to "let me know if anything turns up" but doesnt ask for any contact details. i stop the door and give him my details. I know it was useless. I am now on his soul harvesting list. I leave disheveled and disheartened, but thankful i still have my life.

beast, if you're reading this - if you *can* read, please return my jeans to me. They werent cheap and i saved up for a long time to get them :( i havent ordered new clothes in quite a while, hence the old address. I have a roommate - i am willing to offer his mortal flesh as a sacrifice.